so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
