He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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