she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
