her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
