I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
