Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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