Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
