ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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