capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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