her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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