i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
