Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
