he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
