what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
