Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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