Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
