I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
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