I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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