so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
