Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
