Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
