wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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