My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
