he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
