I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
