omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
