I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
