honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
