In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
