Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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