have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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