we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You took a bar mat shot.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
