I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
