think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
