apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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