I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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