It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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