all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
