you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
