he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
