Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
