I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
