The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
