I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
