just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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