I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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