I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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