Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
