i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
