moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
