the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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