Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
