It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
